Success at last!
Until yesterday my 3-series was still refusing to continue with the update - everytime I checked it said that I would be notified when I could perform the update after having successfully uploaded it many weeks ago.
Yesterday was the first chance I had to go for a long drive (about 200km).
At a stop about halfway along the route, I noticed a message appear on the screen as I turned off the engine indicating that the update could be installed.
I waited until I returned home and luckily the message still appeared when I switched off the engine. I pressed the button to update and left the car locked overnight.
This morning the update appears to have installed. It had also disappeared as an option from the Connected app (no notification that there was an update available and that it was uploaded).
So - it has now finally updated!
So - it seems either that you have to drive 100+km (presumably to fully charge the battery, or for some other strange reason best known to BMW) or use a special battery charger to ensure that it reaches the right level (as Yossi123 suggested previously) - using a "normal" battery charger as I tried (and which indicated that the battery was fully charged) does not seem to be enough.
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