Quote:
Originally Posted by pennsiveguy
In my own experience when I'm arguing over seemingly everything and nothing, there's something that's pissing me off that I haven't been able to identify or articulate yet.
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Its that you are an asshole and you are bothered by that realization so you are burying it deep in your subconscious. That's what you haven't been able to identify or articulate yet. I'm just being helpful here. Next time, just tell her that you are an asshole and you'll be amazed at how quickly you two find common ground to start from!
(But its true, I find that with myself too...I know little bits and pieces of what is bothering me, but it doesn't seem like any of them individually justify why I'm taking the scorched earth course of action I'm currently taking.)
Quote:
Originally Posted by King Rudi
The lack of communication is what gets me. Then when I try to explain how the lack of communication causes problems, then suddenly I'm an asshole. She's made it clear that she wants to be with me, but rather than talk things out and move on, she refuses to tell me what's bothering her, let's it escalate to a point where she is upset and I'm upset because she won't discuss it with me (or waits for a week or more). By the time I actually find out what's bothering her, I'm pretty well pissed off about the entire situation. Odd behavior from a couple that never had an argument for the first 3 1/2 years.
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Ah, communication. I cannot stress how important I think that is. And if it isn't occurring, well, that's a big deal I think. But I don't know (aside from what you've already done) how to show her why it is so important.
I too prefer to deal with the issue that night, though I've learned that this will almost never happen. Seems to need to "season" for a few days, then we discuss. And by discuss, I don't always mean calmly. I've also learned that when I bring up a perceived slight that bothered me, there was something I did before that which caused her to act the way she did...so there is little point in bringing up issues unless I wish to engage in a fight. Which, sometimes, I do. Because ultimately, behaviour does change, to some degree. Its just I have to go through the fight first. Which I don't enjoy.
I don't know - good luck, I hope she is able to recognize how important this is to you, but since I'm somewhat in the same boat and been beating my head against a wall it feels like, I'm not overly hopeful. You find something that works, do let me know!