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Just thought I'd update the thread. The unfortunate side effect of using do not disturb mode with car play is that you have to cancel it to have any access to your phone, so it was not designed for my particular needs.
Very frustrating. Also as I was trying to use voice to switch between Carplay and iDrive, it brought up a list of recent inbound numbers and called one of them back, and stayed connected to that number (spam robo caller, no less). The phone button on the wheel did not terminate the call, so to avoid getting in an accident I just powered off my phone.
Sad. It should not be this hard to tell the car "give me car play but don't give me phone or text integration".
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