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Lups I've not responded to this thread yet, but I have read it several times.
I think what you are doing about documenting everything is wise, and you should continue to do so. Including the wider family in what is happening will only help, as it shows you are being transparent. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If it is refused, then so be it. But how many have you helped? How many have asked you for help? Does it not stand to reason then that if you want others to ask for help (and you do not look down on them for doing so), that you too should not be afraid to ask for help? Frankly, by doing so, it also shows that you are being open to family and not trying to secret your mother away...it shows them what you are dealing with and they will be on your side if anything acrimonious happens later between your brother and you. Though I'm not sure that's what you are worried about...I suspect this goes back to the root of your care for your father and your decision there, which you were roundly criticized for. Unfairly as well, I might add. I don't think this is going to go the same way, but, if you think so, ask and keep asking your family to get involved, so they can't say anything if they don't...if you withdraw care at a later stage.
Family is awesome and they are tough. We have a rift in my extended family on both my Dad and Mom's side...sucks, but it is. I doubt it will heal. Much like you doubt your relationship with your Mom will heal. Do you think in her current state she is open to communicating again about some of the pain you've felt in the past as a kid? It honestly might be good for both of you. I think sometimes in the later stages of life, hard people change and they soften, and they talk more. I saw that with my papa (grandfather), he was a hard man, scrappy, had a miserable childhood in Scotland and it really affected who he was. But in his latter part of life, before he died, the changes were remarkable. And his willingness to talk and share was a good thing. But you'd have never got that out of him until he had his stroke and knew he was pretty much a goner.
Lean on people when you need them. And good for you for doing this!
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