[JP10]

A little blunt for a title, but I think it delivers the question. I'm still young, but consider myself to be doing pretty well in a professional sense. With that said I still have some childish tendencies that I am working to alleviate. For instance, sometimes I convince myself that a problem will just disappear if I don't look at or pay attention to it - makes literally no sense, but again I feel like I am often doing this. Feels so much better to just handle the problem up front.

I am currently working on getting my youngest brother a job (which I have been successful at, he starts in a week or two). He is only 20, and had decided not to pursue an education - the opposite of myself. I have always been a supporter of my brothers finding their own path, hence I posed no opposition to this. With that said, he has now been living downtown for a year and a half. His friends are in school or pursuing a trade, and he is/was still waiting tables (nothing wrong with that, but you could tell it wasn't something he was passionate in). A couple months ago, he broke down and told me he was struggling to figure out what he pursue. So now I have stepped in and intend to get him exposed to how a business runs. I just want him to see different career options to see if anything sparks his interest.

I am still of the opinion that he doesnt need to rush into things, like I said he is 20. Because his brothers are making strides, he has put this burden on himself that he needs to beat us (All of my brothers, including myself, are quite competitive). I'm happy that he is thinking of the future, but I don't like that he is stressing himself out in doing so. Everyone finds their own path eventually.

So to the point of this thread, at what age did you get your sh*t together?

[overcoil]

seriously, I least in my experience most people never get their sh-t together. regardless of careers/income-level and marriages.

[Alfisti]

25ish

[Fly320s]

I'm over 50 and I might get my stuff together next year.

Nah, probably not.


The reality is that everyone has their own pace, own desires, own demons, and their own control over all of that. Some people always have it together. Some people never will. As long as your brother is taking care of himself by not being a burden to someone else, then he is succeeding in my view.

20 years old is the still the beginning of life. Yes, legally he is an adult, but there are very few 20 year olds who act like adults, are responsible like adults, and who know their path.

Give your brother encouragement, advice, and time. When he wants to listen, tell him things you wish you knew at his age.

[Tommy-G]

I was thrown into being a manager at 25 and after about 6 months I realized I needed to be the best manager I could be. I attended all kinds of training in my career field and won some very big achievements in my field (Autobody)
I was very young to hold that position, but now at 46 I don't feel like the young guy in the field anymore.

I would say between 25-30 yrs old was when I got my sh!t together...maybe I need to go for round two of getting my sh!t together

[DETRoadster]

Tough to say for sure but probably around age 6. Same time my folks got divorced and it was just me and my mom. She needed help and I had to handle my business from a young age. Making my own breakfast in the morning and walking myself to and from school. Making my own dinner on nights she had to work late. Was doing my own laundry by about age 7. First job at 12 (paper route). College at 17; completed in 4 years. First career job at 21. Married at 21. Bought my first house at 22....

So yeah, from about age 6 my shit was dialed in.

My 1/2 brother, on the other hand, just turned 35. Has never held down any sort of professional career type role. He delivers for Uber Eats and sells a lot of weed. My mom gives him money every month to help make ends meet. He snowboards a couple times a week, goes camping a lot and takes a lot of road trips in the SUV my my gave him when she bought a new car. He's got no savings; no retirement. I just sat my mom down and had a convo with her about putting any inheritance for him into a trust that I will oversee once she's gone so that I can make sure he's taken care of and also make sure he doesn't blow it all in a year and show up on my front porch at age 50 looking to me to support him. We couldn't be more different.

[spazzyfry123]

First job at 14 and independently paying for, I think, everything by the time I was 18 or 19. Bought my first house at 22. Been nonstop since.

[JP10]

Originally Posted by Fly320s

I'm over 50 and I might get my stuff together next year.

Nah, probably not.

The reality is that everyone has their own pace, own desires, own demons, and their own control over all of that. Some people always have it together. Some people never will. As long as your brother is taking care of himself by not being a burden to someone else, then he is succeeding in my view.

20 years old is the still the beginning of life. Yes, legally he is an adult, but there are very few 20 year olds who act like adults, are responsible like adults, and who know their path.

Give your brother encouragement, advice, and time. When he wants to listen, tell him things you wish you knew at his age.

This is exactly what I am trying to do for him. Just help him see other avenues rather then force him into something he hates. I'll help, but I don't intend to nor will I be a crutch.

Originally Posted by TommyG-inFlaNow

I was thrown into being a manager at 25 and after about 6 months I realized I needed to be the best manager I could be. I attended all kinds of training in my career field and won some very big achievements in my field (Autobody)
I was very young to hold that position, but now at 46 I don't feel like the young guy in the field anymore.

I would say between 25-30 yrs old was when I got my sh!t together...maybe I need to go for round two of getting my sh!t together

Similar situation starting out in our careers. Still working on getting all of my sh*t together, but most of it is in the right place haha. By 30 I should be set if all goes as planned!

Originally Posted by DETRoadster

Tough to say for sure but probably around age 6. Same time my folks got divorced and it was just me and my mom. She needed help and I had to handle my business from a young age. Making my own breakfast in the morning and walking myself to and from school. Making my own dinner on nights she had to work late. Was doing my own laundry by about age 7. First job at 12 (paper route). College at 17; completed in 4 years. First career job at 21. Married at 21. Bought my first house at 22....

So yeah, from about age 6 my shit was dialed in.

My 1/2 brother, on the other hand, just turned 35. Has never held down any sort of professional career type role. He delivers for Uber Eats and sells a lot of weed. My mom gives him money every month to help make ends meet. He snowboards a couple times a week, goes camping a lot and takes a lot of road trips in the SUV my my gave him when she bought a new car. He's got no savings; no retirement. I just sat my mom down and had a convo with her about putting any inheritance for him into a trust that I will oversee once she's gone so that I can make sure he's taken care of and also make sure he doesn't blow it all in a year and show up on my front porch at age 50 looking to me to support him. We couldn't be more different.

Nice! Another person who understands what it is like to be the last person in college to turn 21 haha. I also started college at 17. With that said I definitely was a loose cannon and quite immature at the time.

Your description of your half brother is exactly what I don't want for my brothers. And without introduction into career paths I could see it becoming a reality in todays day and age. Social media constantly forces opinions on the youth, and not only that but they get constant updates of their peers progression. If you dont feel that you are holding to the standard, then it could drastically affect your mental health as well. I see this a little of each of my younger brothers and it is probably one of the things that upsets me the most in life. I don't really care if they are financially successful, I want them to be emotionally successful (aka happy). That's exactly why I keep telling my youngest brother that he shouldn't be bearing the self induced burden of comparison - unless you use that as fuel to spark interest then it will eventually become envy.

Originally Posted by spazzyfry123

First job at 14 and independently paying for, I think, everything by the time I was 18 or 19. Bought my first house at 22. Been nonstop since.

Same minus the house purchase, that is forth coming. With that said I wouldn't call that having your shit together. I have friends in similar situations, but they also black out 2-3 nights a week with no regard for anything lol.

[Smgs1992]

I’d say i really started to get my shit together when i was 25 i’m now 28

[Sara]

26

[spazzyfry123]

Originally Posted by JP10

Same minus the house purchase, that is forth coming. With that said I wouldn't call that having your shit together. I have friends in similar situations, but they also black out 2-3 nights a week with no regard for anything lol.

Agreed, buying a house does not get your shit together. Plenty of situations put renting as a better situation than purchasing. I know some folks that have their own house that definitely DO NOT have their shit together

[TiMSport]

Lol. Drive around communities that don't have an HOA and you'll see plenty of people that don't have their shit together

[frchdragon]

It really depends on people and your experience in life and how you have been raised...
And then it depends if you are influenced by the right people or not.

There are so many factors that will set you on different paths.

I finished my engineering schooling at 25, worked in the US, the UK then moved to Canada. Now travel is a big part of my work.
Listen to your brother, see what is bothering you, going back to school for education, even part time is always an option. Trades are always needed also.
We are all very different, what applies to one doesn't' apply to the others.
Play on his strengths and get him into something he will enjoy doing and thrive.

Good luck and tell us how it pans out.

[3.0L]

I don't believe getting one's shit together is a "Yesterday I didn't have my shit together and today I do" event. I think it's a process of life events. Also, I think having our shinola together is relative to our age group.

I kind of had my shinola together by age 22, right after I separated from the Army. My new bride and I moved into a small apartment in a college neighborhood. Compared to the antics and partying of our neighbors, I felt much more mature, even though we were about the same age.

Eleven years later, my dad passed away unexpectedly at the young age of 55. Reality check: My shinola wasn't as together as I thought it was. Overnight, I had to take the helm of our family business. It was very humbling. The learning curve was steep.

[CTinline-six]

My parents were strict when I was growing up so I always kinda had my shit together. I was mowing lawns/working on a farm when I was 10, and saved money to buy my first dirt bike and my first car by myself. I played sports, rode dirt bikes with my friends, but never really partied as I didn't have time. At 16 I got a part-time job after school, and along with sports that took up a lot of my time. I worked two jobs while going to college, and now I work full-time and have a side business.

I think "having your shit together" is a sliding scale, and many people never really have it together. Everyone has something going on in their life. I know many people who would appear to have their shit together and living the perfect life, but have some very sad mental or physical things that bring them down.

[Joekerr]

After I failed my Grade 10 math exam, I had a little "come to Jesus" meeting with my parents that resulted in me spending that entire summer locked in my room for the first two hours of each day working all the way through the math textbook I was supposed to be learning the first time.

After that, I got myself together and actually started trying in school and life in general. Got jobs, studied hard, landed a really good job at a Big 4 as a coop student in university, and so on.

Some days though, instead of having my shit together, it just felt like it was being pushed in. But I think that's everyone. I think you are taking the right tack with your brother, hopefully he finds the motivating force he needs to do something.

[lsturbointeg]

hmmmm...probably when my wife said she will take half my shit that was 26 years ago

[IllSic_Design]

yeah about 25ish for me. 33 now

[JP10]

Originally Posted by 3.0L

I don't believe getting one's shit together is a "Yesterday I didn't have my shit together and today I do" event. I think it's a process of life events. Also, I think having our shinola together is relative to our age group.

I kind of had my shinola together by age 22, right after I separated from the Army. My new bride and I moved into a small apartment in a college neighborhood. Compared to the antics and partying of our neighbors, I felt much more mature, even though we were about the same age.

Eleven years later, my dad passed away unexpectedly at the young age of 55. Reality check: My shinola wasn't as together as I thought it was. Overnight, I had to take the helm of our family business. It was very humbling. The learning curve was steep.

Originally Posted by CTinline-six

My parents were strict when I was growing up so I always kinda had my shit together. I was mowing lawns/working on a farm when I was 10, and saved money to buy my first dirt bike and my first car by myself. I played sports, rode dirt bikes with my friends, but never really partied as I didn't have time. At 16 I got a part-time job after school, and along with sports that took up a lot of my time. I worked two jobs while going to college, and now I work full-time and have a side business.

I think "having your shit together" is a sliding scale, and many people never really have it together. Everyone has something going on in their life. I know many people who would appear to have their shit together and living the perfect life, but have some very sad mental or physical things that bring them down.

You both bring up great points. Many might think they have everything figured out, but when you get hit with a life changing event then you really start to understand your position. I might be doing okay now, but if my father passed all of the sudden it would be a complete sh*t show for my family. Even my youngest brother is doing well in comparison to some, at least he is fully self-sustaining at this point.

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Some days though, instead of having my shit together, it just felt like it was being pushed in. But I think that's everyone. I think you are taking the right tack with your brother, hopefully he finds the motivating force he needs to do something.

I hope he does as well, like I mentioned I just want him to act on his own accord. Those decisions are the ones that define a person.

Originally Posted by lsturbointeg

hmmmm...probably when my wife said she will take half my shit that was 26 years ago

Sheesh, I have two months until I tie the knot and you're telling me I have to have my sh*t together by then!? lol

[dreamingat30fps]

Originally Posted by TiMSport

Lol. Drive around communities that don't have an HOA and you'll see plenty of people that don't have their shit together

Well you would have to define what having your shit together means for you. I'm sure for many people having the supreme collection of rusty lawn mowers is the ultimate goal in life so...

[erickonphoenix]

Whenever you start thinking you have all your chit together you're probably slacking somewhere.

[Chihuahua]

Phase 1 happened at 30, the light bulb truly went on over my head at 37.